The Sabbatical Diaries: what not working is teaching me about work

Posted on LinkedIn on the 1st May, 2025

The 1st of May, International Workers’ Day, seems to be a good day to kick off what I hope will be a recurring series of articles about the place of work in our lives.

Today is also the first day of the last quarter of my one year “educational sabbatical”. Thanks to a fantastic (and sadly recently discontinued) model in Austria, if your employer agreed, you could take up to 12 months (every 3 years!) and the state paid you as if you were unemployed. This allowed people to develop their skills at no cost to the employer, or just enjoy in a calmer time between jobs (which I what I am doing).

This is an immense privilege, as in most places in the world, basic unemployment benefits are still unheard of. Putting some distance between me and work has been incredible eye-opening, so I thought I would share my reflections… In the current turbulent times, maybe this resonates with some of you.

As David Graeber says:

“We have become a civilization based on work—not even “productive work” but work as an end and meaning in itself.”

He goes on to say:

“Everyday we wake up and collectively make a world together; but which one of us, left to our own devices, would ever decide they wanted to make a world like this one?”

This series is an attempt to figure out how this “work-based-civilisation” shows up in practice, in us/me. So that we can hopefully start collectively making a different world.

Chapter one: Validation

It’s more than the cosy feeling of belonging to a cause or company. It’s much more than defining our worth by what is written on our business cards. Work validates our sense of worthiness.

In the two days immediately after handing in my keys, I had 2 full-blown emotional meltdowns. On day one, I couldn’t find a really important password. The kind you need to request a reset via post. On day two, I couldn’t find my computer charger.

Now, keep in mind the job that I had just left was a senior leadership role in a mid-size INGO managing a big department and budget and included the daily dose of drama that goes with such a role. I had been (mostly) holding it together. If I had lost my bananas each time the equivalent of a missed charger popped up, I would not have lasted long.

I was surprised by the intensity of these emotions, and had a sneaky suspicion this might not have been about my ability to hold on to stuff.

So, what was going on? My conclusion is this: the validation I had been getting from work was suddenly gone. Woosh. As if I had attempted that magic trick when you pull the cloth from under a fully set table. Everything was supposed to stay in place. Except everything it didn’t.

What do I mean by validation? I mean the imperceptible, subliminal messages that you receive each time we open an email, or attend a meeting. Between the lines they said « Right, you seem to be handling things alright, no-one is openly laughing at you, they must think it is normal that you are here, doing what you are doing, so you are probably doing okay. You’re probably okay.”

And all of a sudden, left to my own (low-battery) devices, my inner critics were having a field day with one of their top hits: You’re SUCH a mess! Suddenly, it became my own job to convince myself that I am, despite all appearances, a reasonably functioning human being.

I still find this realisation deeply concerning. I knew I had a tendency to link my identity to my job, I think a lot of us do, maybe especially in the non-profit sector. I had been working on that. But this went deeper. I needed a job to shush the critics and make me feel worthy. Ouch.

I have (another) sneaky suspicion that I am not alone with this. Does this sound familiar to you?

If it does, building this little habit might help.

• Choose one of your inner critics’ top hits, the things they say when you make a mistake for example (in my case « You’re SUCH a mess », on the tune of Carly Simon). Write it down on a piece of paper. Strike it out, crumble the piece of paper, throw it away, stump it with your foot.
• What strength do you have that is related that criticism? (for example: “My ideas need some creative chaos”). Write it down. Several times. Every morning if you need to.
• Repeat.

Whoever needs to hear this (I know I do), take it from Brené (Brown):

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

That’s not dependant on whether you have a job or not, or what that job is.

You are unique.

Just like everyone else.